Done deal

And it's a done deal now. I just signed the contracts and sent them out in the mail. For better or for worse, this is what I will be doing for the next several months or longer. Hopefully everything turns out alright. My fingers crossed.

And I popped the question – No, not THAT one

After two happy years with my current job, it came to the point where I either move on or lay down and wait to bore myself to death. The driving (dark) force behind this urge is of course the plans I have for my life, and for the time being the long and winding road appears to lead me to another country. Or at least I try to trample down all the grass and make my way there. The last straw is what we are doing these days at work – almost nothing. It really saddens me that something that used to give me excitement, gratification, sense of achievement, stomach aches, panic attacks and dark circles now seems to give me only one thing: boredom. When you have a job, you really hope there's something to work on.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not thrilled to get out. I like my boss and I generally have great times working with my colleagues. (Well, maybe I'm too clammed up to really get to mingle with them, but that's not the point here.) That's why when I popped the question at my boss asking him for discharge, it wasn't as easy as I hoped. I felt bad leaving the team at such a bad time, but honestly leaving is just a matter of time. What he said kind of made me feel worse and better at the same time: "My fear just came true. I know I can't keep you here and I'm happy for you. It's a great loss to the company. There are people out there who have a good eye on talents. Good for them. Too bad you are leaving the company so early. I was considering you as a candidate to lead the team if I am assigned to cultivate another market." Whoa. Didn't see that coming. It's always nice to know that you're appreciated, but then that's sadly not enough to keep me there.

That's one thing done. Now I'll just focus on keeping my fingers crossed that the new company will follow through with the offer.

Screen name calling

Since online chatting software is almost indispensable in my line of work, a neat scene at the workplace is everybody typing madly away on their keyboards. People normally don't talk, they type. When you spend more than 5 minutes speaking to a colleague, you feel guilty making all that noise. With this trend comes an interesting phenomenon, which I'll simply dub "screen name calling." In effect, some people enter a line in their name display to describe how they feel or think. Most of the time you will learn what kind of pet they have, how old their acquaintances are and some other tidbits of their lives, but sometimes you can see pointed statements. And then the guessing game ensues. Is it me or is it the girl in front of me? Or the guy next to the girl in front of me? It's alright if you don't give a damn, but unfortunately 99% of human beings are not designed this way.

As far as I am concerned, screen name calling is probably a very good way to blow off some steam. Other than that, it doesn't have much use. It doesn't get things fixed because no one really wants to stand up and say, hey, that ass is me, isn't it, and it definitely doesn't make people happy if they suspect they are the target, and they would in turn make you even unhappier than you already are. But then, I was boldfaced enough to ask someone some time ago if her screen name complaining about noises was about me. It was not. And I am so thick that I might not even know when it IS about me. So what do I know.

My Associate Totoro

This is such a weird thing to say, but here it is: I think I work with a Totoro. Totoro has small beady eyes, a bulging belly and a distinctive child-like state of mind. It is amazing how in the anime land, this creature makes kids and adults alike wiggle in pure excitement; in the grownup world, not so much. Totoro likes loud music and entertaining phone conversations with friends while everybody else eavesdrops (and no, you can't opt out). His most outstanding characteristic, however, is the chant-like ohhhhhhhhhhhms. From what I can tell, the tones vary depending on the music he is listening to or the thoughts he has at that very moment. Back when I heard the first ohm, I thought it came from the very core of the earth 'cause everything was pretty much shaking. Maybe this is how he connects with his inner self. Or he's communicating with a greater existence. Whatever. These funny sounds always crack me up. I just love such mysteries as a 30 something grownup Totoro.