Something about Appendicitis

There have been some inquiries regarding my departed angry flesh that does nothing. I guess people are curious because this is something 98% of the population will never have. Lucky them. I've heard a lot of the rest 2% describe the pain as "agonizing", "acute" or "just kill me", but maybe I'm half dead, maybe I'm numb, I thought I was simply having a stomachache. Looking back, that should have been alarming since I have a stomach of iron, but who would ever guessed when you have indigestion, a piece of you is actually getting inflamed and unhappy? Two days later, I sat in my office, wondering why the sense of needing to go to the bathroom wouldn't go away. I pressed on my belly, figured out it's the lower right area that hurt most. I thought to myself, wow, isn't that where the appendix is? As the doctor later told me, it sure is. And then I found myself in an ER, fiddling with my fingers for 5 hours before they found a doctor to operate on me.

This whole event enlightened me with a few things.

1. Appendicitis could start with a stomachache. It could be hard to detect. Suck it.


2. If you go to the hospital 3 days into the appendicitis, your belly will be flooded with dirty water produced by the equally dirty appendix. At this point, doctors with less experience will suspect your location of appendix is "abnormal" because you hurt almost everywhere in your lower abdomen where they poke relentlessly.


3. It takes only seconds for the blood to go to your heart. The imaging fluid they shot me with felt warm, and that was how long it took for me to feel it in my heart. So don't ever piss off anyone good with poison injection.


4. When they put you to sleep, you're out like a light switch. If only that's how fast I fall asleep every night.


5. And the anesthesia makes you puke when you wake up. Your entire system is at a halt, so you have to keep walking and walking and walking to wake your intestines up. The downside of this approach is it nauseates you too.


6. Sneezing and coughing right after the surgery won't blow you up. It hurts like hell, yes. Explosion effects, no.


7. It takes about a month or two for the appetite to come back. That really sucks.


8. The scar tissue will form a ridge inside your belly. It's fun to feel and all, but I can't wait to bid it goodbye in 6 months. Ciao. Buh-bye. Adios.

My conclusion is that the older you get the worse an appendectomy could be. You heal so much more slowly. I know the lacking appetite part is very appealing to a lot of people, and you will sport a neat scar you can brag about, but take it from me, it's not worth it. But then, it's not like you can have a say in it if the angry flesh decides to rebel. To health.